Toughness is based on attributes that are developed totally independently of gender, yet it’s overwhelmingly associated with masculinity. What part of developing broad capabilities, the capacity to withstand challenges, the consistent demonstration of commitment, or security in a clearly defined identity is exclusively attainable by or appropriate for men? Any answer is the product of nonsensical social constructs informing the notion, consciously or not, of men’s and women’s roles and natures, not a legitimate piece of evidence refuting the previous. It might be argued that being tough is a required element of being masculine because masculinity and femininity are subjective ideas that rational people can disagree on, and that each of us defines in application to ourselves, but the reverse can’t be reasonably argued—that being tough means being masculine.  

It would be equally nonsensical to pretend there aren’t legitimate and significant biological differences between the genders, and to some extent psychological and emotional ones influenced by that biology, but none of these differences limits either gender’s ability to develop toughness. These differences may dictate that we execute certain tasks or develop certain qualities in different manners and to different degrees, but the end result in total is the same: being tough. Further, even biological differences vary dramatically within a given gender—while we can make plenty of generalizations about them, these aren’t entirely accurate across the board.

We know, for example, that men produce far more testosterone than women, and that testosterone supports physical strength through both the development of muscle mass and greater neurological efficiency—the ability to use given muscle mass to produce greater magnitudes of force. In other words, men on average tend to be physically stronger than their female counterparts.

But there are two critical points to keep in mind in this discussion. First, plenty of women are far stronger, leaner, more muscular and more athletically capable than plenty of men, both through nature and training (including an absence thereof on the men’s side), endogenous testosterone levels and other natural biological characteristics notwithstanding. Again, we can make reasonable generalizations supported by fact, but we can’t presume those generalizations are hard and fast rules—we have overwhelming evidence to contradict them. Second, an individual of any gender who, even with dedicated and intelligent physical training, isn’t capable of reaching particularly great levels of strength is not incapable of becoming tougher relative to themselves and even extremely tough in absolute terms. Such an individual may be at a relative disadvantage in that one specific area, but there are far more components to toughness than physical strength, and we all find ways to mitigate the limitations attendant to our weaknesses and exploit our strengths to achieve the ultimate objective.

Unfortunately, toughness has been merged with manhood and masculinity into a single idea in many people’s minds, and in the process, corrupted to a stunning extent culturally and socially. It may be assumed men are always naturally tougher than women, that the condition of being tough is masculine and consequently unbecoming for women, or that being tough means being unkind or violent or aggressive, which traits are then seen as elements of masculinity. We need to distinguish toughness from gender and wipe away the odd social coloring it’s been painted with—it’s a straightforward set of principles defining qualities attainable by anyone through choice and work. Masculinity and femininity, gender roles and expectations, and other cultural norms can be determined independently—each of us decides what we believe these things to be and that belief, and the behavior, words and acceptance that extend from them, shapes the social definitions over time. We’ll never reach a global consensus on these ideas, but we can successfully define toughness as an independent concept—and we can use that toughness as individuals to deal with dubious social, cultural and religious pressures on us regarding the others.